Caroline Seger's roller-coaster ride
I'm a professional soccer player. I practice hard every day and I practice harder to be one of the best at what I'm doing. I'm also human, and yes, I make mistakes or have a bad day at work. And that's what happened this weekend in our game at the Atlanta Beat -- I had a bad day at work. (Editor's note: The Beat and Western New York Flash played to a 2-all tie April 24.)
As a professional, you learn what you need and what you want to enable you to go out and perform day-in and day-out. But there's no such thing as knowing how you're going perform come game time.
Something I've learned along the road is that you can feel fine and have your best warm-up and still play 90 minutes of garbage soccer. Sometimes you feel awful before a game, you've had the worst day, you come unprepared, yet in some strange way, you manage to play amazing soccer.
It has crossed my mind that it would be nice to just leave my brain in the locker room before I go out and play. We all know that can never literally happen, but I think you can learn to find a state of mind that takes away all your negative thoughts and extra pressure. I can be honest with all of you and tell you that, at age 26, I haven't found that state yet.
The Atlanta game was one of those days when you try your hardest, but that extra luck doesn't seem to be there at all. I always try to promise myself that I'm not going to walk off the field and wonder, "what if?" This time, I found that very hard to do.
I hate losing. And even though we didn't lose, it almost felt like it.
My whole life is soccer. I live and breathe soccer, and of course, when I play bad or we lose, it affects me. It actually affects me more than I want. Playing soccer can be a roller coaster, sometimes it's so fun that I never want to get off the ride. And sometimes I just wish I never got on.
At the same time this is what makes soccer so exciting, so beautiful. This is why I do it day-in and day-out. I love the emotional ride it takes me on.
I needed a day or two to calm down and realize that it was a game, and that I get a new opportunity next weekend to show I'm actually a pretty damn good soccer player. That's what I do, break down and come back.