The NBA is in my shoe closet and I don't like it.
The two are like church and state. The league cannot possibly comprehend the complexities of a woman's shoe universe.
The company HERSTAR recently attained a licensing deal with the NBA to produce women's shoes in an effort to merge its female fans' healthy obsession with high heels and love of basketball.
The shoe line opened with crystalized, 6-inch stilettos with a hidden platform for $274.99 and 4.5-inch suede pumps for $99.99.
My first impression of the shoe was to spit. How dare the NBA placate me with rhinestones and high heels? If I wanted sparkles and frills I'd watch the ballet. The glittery footwear represents everything wrong with the way people view women in sports. It says we only care about looking good at the game and not the play on the floor.
The type of woman that would wear these shoes to a game is looking to catch dating action, not NBA action. There's nothing wrong with man-hunting at the game, but those shoes probably won't get you the kind of man who sticks around for life's tough fourth-quarter moments. He's more likely just there for fast-break play, if you know what I'm saying.
The shoes also say "I want to be a basketball wife" and I'm not talking about the classy ones like LaLa Anthony. I'm talking about the raucous ex-wives and baby mommas who throw alcoholic beverages at each other on reality television.
Then there's the impracticality of the shoes.
The height of the heel screams non-functioning. No woman in her right mind would hike up arena stairs in 6-inch stilettos unless she wanted to be on the injured list. Also, the shoe only works at basketball games. With a $274.99 price tag, it needs more versatility.
With all these negatives, I couldn't understand how someone could put the shoe on the market. Then I spoke to the creator and it became clear.
"I'm not really a sports person," said Holly Joffrion, shoe designer and CEO of HERSTAR. "One day my husband invited me to an Orlando Magic game and I didn't know what women wore to games. So I did a web search for 'What do women wear to basketball games?' But I still couldn't find anything appropriate."
Joffrion didn't want to wear a men's jersey and thought women should have something to wear to show their support of the team and still look "girly."
"I made a mockup of a patent leather shoe with the Orlando Magic logo and posted it on my site," Joffrion said. "I started getting tons of requests from women who wanted a pair, so I figured this idea could really work."
Joffrion's venture is innocent enough. She isn't seeking to destroy the view of women in sports one heel at a time; she just wants to look cute. And she said orders are steady although she did not answer questions about the exact number sold. The top teams on HERSTAR.com are the San Antonio Spurs and the Oklahoma City Thunder. The Lakers and Celtics are gaining in sales on the two Western Conference big sellers.
While I applaud Joffrion's entrepreneurial spirit, if a lady wants to show her support for the team while looking appropriate at a game she should wear heels in the team's color or just sneakers. This way she can maintain her swagger without looking like she's trying to sneak into the locker room afterward.
With that said, the shoe maniac in me may still purchase a pair for research purposes.
Don't judge me, because you'd probably do the same if the shoe were on the other foot.